As someone who chose to major in the arts in college, I have the joy of hearing liberal and leftist opinions everywhere I turn. Thanks to that, I’ve been introduced to the wonderful role model that Hillary Clinton is for children, especially young girls. In her attempt to climb the ladder to presidency, websites like Huffpost, New York Times, and Buzzfeed have all written about Hillary’s great qualities for young girls, how she’s ‘breaking the glass ceiling’ of possibilities and I couldn’t agree more. She’s setting a new precedent for the American people and with this blog post, I would like to bring attention to five great lesson the Clinton campaign has taught America overtime:
1. Infidelity Isn’t Your Problem, They’re Just Sluts
Bill Clinton’s sexual history is hardly mysterious. There are at least 17 records of rape and affairs on the record and likely more that we don’t know about, but it’s not fair to judge Hillary by her husband’s actions, is it? No, let’s look at how she handled the rape allegations, cases, and victims, this is even more important to talk about since Hillary claims to be an advocate for women’s rights and a protector of women. When Bill Clinton raped 12-year-old Kathy Shelton Hillary Clinton told the court Shelton was “emotionally unstable and had a tendency to seek out older men and engage in fantasizing.” She also said, “It was a fascinating case, it was a very interesting case,” Clinton says in the recording. “This guy was accused of raping a 12-year-old. Course he claimed that he didn’t, and all this stuff. I had him take a polygraph, which he passed – which forever destroyed my faith in polygraphs,” she added with a laugh.
More than once in the past Hillary has called the women her husband raped, “bimbos.” She has intimidated them, threatened to ruin their lives, and in some cases, followed through. Don’t worry though, if your husband rapes anyone, if he cheats on you, it’s not your fault, even if you defend him and assist in the continuation of his sexual misconduct. All of his victims aren’t really victims, they were sluts, they were asking for it.
As long as you know how to package the story, you too can be an advocate for ‘women’s rights and safety’ and the defender of a rapist.
2. “Vagina” Is a Legitimate Job Qualification
Start updating your resumes, ladies! Let’s pretend for a second that Hillary Clinton isn’t toting around a Hell-mouth in her trousers, but instead, your typical female anatomy. One of the main staples for her campaign, her claims to qualification and difference from politicians in the past is that she’s a woman. When asked what made her believe she would do a great job, what skills, experience, and qualifications she believed made her better than other candidates, she answered, “I am a woman.” So as you, ladies and young women, attend job interviews and the interviewer asks you the same questions, just remember this phrase: “First off, I’m a woman.” Doesn’t matter if you’re in a female dominated field because hiring managers never get tired of hearing the phrase as the reason why you should be hired. When you walked in the door, shook hands, and sat down, the probably didn’t notice you were even female, the rude bastards, but once you notify them of your vagina carrying status, be prepared for the highest level position they can give you. You need no other qualifications, as there are only 3.52 billion women worldwide, you are a rarity in humanity and as we’ve learned from playing Pokemon as children, being rare is an acceptable replacement for actually being useful and skilled.
3. Matter, Everyone Believes You Anyway
Between Benghazi where she claimed the attack was started by a youtube video and was proven a liar, when she said no Americans died in Benghazi, when she said she never received classified information on her illegal personal toilet server, when she said her 33,000+ deleted emails were about yoga and recipes, when she claimed she landed in Bosnia under gunfire, when almost everything she’s said has been proven a lie with the proof to back it up, people will still believe you anyway. Hillary Clinton has been a solid example for women that, regardless of what you say or do and the hard evidence saying you’re wrong, everyone will still believe you anyway.
There are only three reasons I can think of for why this would happen:
Option 1) No one takes women seriously anyway in the same way adults don’t take children seriously. If someone listens to a woman, be them male or female, and disregards what they say as nonsense from the get go, then it really wouldn’t matter if they were lying or telling the truth in the same way a sane person would just listen to an insane person scream, “I AM A HOTDOG” and in many cases would not correct them because they are too far gone to care about.
Option 2) Women are equivalent to children. If the general population treats women the same way they treat a child who says, “There’s a monster under my bed,” then it really doesn’t matter what she says. What she says holds no value anyway, so she might as well say whatever she wants. In many cases with the monster under the bed, parents pat the child, reassure safety, and move on.
Option 3) What women say holds no value so if they lie, who cares? It changes nothing.
Pick your excuse. At least it means you can say whatever you want, right?
4. You Can Literally Get Away With Murder
While most who believe in the “Clinton Body Count” are referred to as “Tin Foil Hats,” there is definitely a trail of death that seems to follow the Clinton family and foundation. In the last year we have witnessed the deaths of at least three people connected to the DNC and many of those people were positioned to speak out against Clinton in the court of law. That seems a little too coincidental to be accident. Or there are the hundreds, if not thousands, of Haitians who have died due to living conditions brought on by the earthquake in 2010. Hillary didn’t cause the damage personally, but she claimed to lead the recovery donations campaign then pocketed 98%+ of the recovery funds. Haiti never recovered. Fortunately, Hillary Clinton and many other female criminals are showing society that a woman’s action isn’t worth as much as a man’s.
According to federal statistics, women are given shorter sentences for the same crimes as men. According to a survey done by Professor Sonja Starr, it was found that men receive 63% longer sentences than women and that women were at least twice as likely to avoid incarceration if they were convicted of committing a crime. Additionally, if you follow Hillary Clinton’s example, then instead of a few years in prison, you could be making millions of dollars a year.
5. When All Else Fails, It Is Never Your Fault
The fifth lesson Hillary Clinton has taught us through her campaign is that if people have any criticisms for a woman, it’s not because of any personal failure or past record, but it’s because they’re sexist. Everyone know that women can never actually fail at anything and women are never rightfully criticized. If emails were leaked, or millions of dollars somehow found their way into your personal bank account and you somehow traded Russia 20% of the US Uranium shortly thereafter, or some of our soldiers were tortured and murdered on your watch despite calling for help multiple times, or any other criticism of your personal performance comes up, just yell sexism and racism just for good measure. I mean, goll, have you ever noticed how everyone NOT voting for Hillary Clinton this election season is either sexist, racist, bigoted, xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, misogynist, deplorable, or mama’s basement dwelling loser? That can’t just be a coincidence!
So how should the average girl use this? If anyone doesn’t like you, just remember, it’s not because you’re a bad person or not good at what you’re doing or that you have any issues at all, it’s just because they’re bigots. If it turns out that you wrote 2+2=5, don’t worry, you’re not wrong, math is just sexist and probably racist. If you ever find yourself in a tight situation where your teacher or boss are disciplining you, just be sure to remind them that they are being sexist if they are not saying nice things about you. This should fix things 100% and if it doesn’t, call them a bigot and maybe cry a little. Crying always helps garner extra pity.
In a world gone crazy it’s refreshing to have Hillary Rotten Clinton to prove that being a woman means that you can’t possible be a criminal. Thanks to her, little girls will learn that they can literally get away with anything and can do no wrong.